Will the sun ever come out?

I'm not sure how to talk about something so close and devistating to our hearts...

Three weeks ago, my doctor called and said I needed more testing for possible spina-bifida in our baby.  Mike and I went to that follow-up appointment and we received the biggest shock of our lives.  After meeting with the specialists, they are convinced that our baby will not survive because of multiple physical defects.

Yesterday we went to another appointment, saw every perinatologist that worked at the new IHC hospital.  None of them had definite answers or could agree on what were the causes of his problems.  All they know is that it is life threatening and very, very serious.  Next week I go in for an MRI, to see if they can get a better view.

Yesterday, I took back the few baby clothes I had bought for him.  My insides dared the clerk to ask me why I was returning them.

Abby knows her mom isn't doing very well, no matter how hard I pretend.  She has been so sweet with kisses and hugs.  She knows the baby is sick, but she also knows the dog was sick four weeks ago and now she is an angel.  She can't differenciate between me and the baby, so she worries.  She even asked if after I die, if she will get a new mommy.

Mike and I spoke with a genetics counselor.  We had questions about the relationship between Abby's hearing and our new son's problems.  She said both were like being struck by lightening, twice.

I wish I had some little funny quip to finish off this update, but I have nothing.  Thanks for listening.