What's for dinner?

I have a confession to make...  for a while I wasn't a very good wife and mom (please read the whole thing before you reject my statement.)  I was over-worked, over-stressed, under-slept, and barely making it.  I had two "part-time" jobs AND this Spring/Summer I was pregnant.  When I only had one job, I was still pregnant, but very depressed and had anxiety.  My way of coping was by not doing anything besides sleeping.  Sounds delightful doesn't it?

My poor family lived on frozen dinners and burritos.  My husband did my laundry, cleaned my house, made dinner for Abby, and even entertained her.  While I... coped.

This weekend, I was determined to take another step towards the "old" me.   I had a fantastic weekend.  Mike vacuumed, mopped, and dusted (sorry ladies, he's taken!)  and I wiped down bathrooms, rotated and put away laundry, changed sheets on beds, made cookies, dinner, and we both listened to conference!  Whew... I was tired, but a good tired!

Now that my house is back to normal, I feel revitalized.  I can see where I found pride in my home.  AND, with the weather cooling down, I feel the thrill of fall.  One of the things I really love to do is cook when it gets cooler.  Fall is when "comfort" food reigns!  Here is what's for dinner at the Preas' home this month:

Tortellini & Cheese, Homemade Pizza, Homemade Chicken Noodle Soup with Cornbread, Crispy Pork Chop & Apple Salad, Slow-cooker Chicken Cacciatori, Shrimp & Artichoke Fettuccine, Chicken Poppy-seed Casserole, Stuffed Squash & Meatloaf, Pulled Pork Sandwiches, Mustard Pork Chops & Rice, Creamed Salmon Gravy over French Bread, Chicken Enchiladas, Lasagna, and Taco Salad.

YUM, I'm glad I'm back! (Mike and Abby probably are too!)

The girl in June

I realize I am stronger than she is.  That girl from June is really scared; I cried for her tonight.  I read and felt her pain; to think of all she has to take on, decide, and experience.  She was told by God that it would be okay, but she didn't believe him, but I know it is true.

  I still see her in the mirror, but she is different.  The summer aged her, you can see it in her eyes, the difference is, she is no-longer scared.  She knows true pain, hard decisions, and heartache, she is wiser for it.  She has made it through a dark tunnel and can smile a smile that reaches her eyes, again.  

She knows that Levi knows, she loves him very much.  She still aches to hold him, but she knows it was to happen this way and is okay with that.  She knows his spirit and he is beautiful both inside and out.  She will hold him again, someday.

She is stronger, she is grateful, she is me.

Well, we are FINALLY 5!

 

So I'm not so great about taking pictures.  I brought cupcakes to Abby's kindergarten class and when I went to take pictures, the camera's battery died.  

Good thing we had a second "go" with her party.

I think everyone had a great time.  Candy, Chips, Cake what more could you want???

Alison thinks....

1.    We were in Washington DC, helping to "Restore Honor."

2.    It's fascinating that Alveda King went to the "Restoring Honor" rally and not Al Sharpton's rally.

3.    That "the dream" was fulfilled.  Now the fight Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson fight is just so they have a job.

4.     It's sad...  She wanted to BBQ in the mountains with Mike's friend.  He promised that Abby could ride horses.  Abby was sick this weekend, we canceled.

5.     She LOVES, LOVES, LOVES her husband, even more so when he cleans up vomit...  (she doesn't do vomit.)

6.    She is a procrastinator!  Abby's birthday is Thursday, and hasn't planned anything yet.  Maybe the "party" should be NEXT weekend.

7.     Abby LOVES school, but hates getting up in the morning.  That's where the fights start.

8.     Is so grateful that one of Abby's teachers worked at Abby's school last year.  Makes the kindergarten transition SO much easier for mom...

9.     She is still 35, literally, her wonderful husband reminds her that she is actually 36.

10.   She feels bad for herself and the loss of her "Levi Angel", but then reads that her friend lost her husband to cancer after a year long battle and suddenly feels grateful she has her life and not her friends.

11.    Is always on the "prowl" for a cool handbag, but can never afford the bag that she loves.  The Ethel (yes, there is some) in her won't splurge past her budget (whatever that is... ((that's the Doris in her!)))

12.   She worried about assembling taxes at her work for nothing.  It's no where near as bad as her last experience!

13.   Never realized she would have the bra, makeup talk with her daughter at 4.  (outcome: Mom 1, Abby 1)

14.  She is having a good moment.  

15.   She loves her family more that anything... even handbags!

L. Levi Preas

L. Levi Preas

August 1, 2010

1 lb., 3 oz.

so tiny...

so beautiful...

so blonde...

so like his dad...

so loved...

so missed...

so thankful...

so sad...

so now we are suppost to go on...

I've got great family...

With all the trials we are going through, there is one picture that makes me smile.  I look at it at least once a day.  Each time I look at it, I marvel at it.  My Aunt Hilary ran, RAN a triathlon.  Not only did she finish, which I wouldn't even think of doing, she sent a signed message to Abby.  For those of you who don't know, Abby has a signed name (Hilary's right hand).  In her left she is saying "I love you."  It's amazing and it makes me smile.

We love you too, Hilary!

Will the sun ever come out?

I'm not sure how to talk about something so close and devistating to our hearts...

Three weeks ago, my doctor called and said I needed more testing for possible spina-bifida in our baby.  Mike and I went to that follow-up appointment and we received the biggest shock of our lives.  After meeting with the specialists, they are convinced that our baby will not survive because of multiple physical defects.

Yesterday we went to another appointment, saw every perinatologist that worked at the new IHC hospital.  None of them had definite answers or could agree on what were the causes of his problems.  All they know is that it is life threatening and very, very serious.  Next week I go in for an MRI, to see if they can get a better view.

Yesterday, I took back the few baby clothes I had bought for him.  My insides dared the clerk to ask me why I was returning them.

Abby knows her mom isn't doing very well, no matter how hard I pretend.  She has been so sweet with kisses and hugs.  She knows the baby is sick, but she also knows the dog was sick four weeks ago and now she is an angel.  She can't differenciate between me and the baby, so she worries.  She even asked if after I die, if she will get a new mommy.

Mike and I spoke with a genetics counselor.  We had questions about the relationship between Abby's hearing and our new son's problems.  She said both were like being struck by lightening, twice.

I wish I had some little funny quip to finish off this update, but I have nothing.  Thanks for listening.